dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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