Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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