wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There r osticjed everywhere
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
