your parents love me but you hate me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
