eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
