i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
