There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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