I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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