so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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