I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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