I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
