wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
