it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
