Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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