dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
