Don't you send me to vm
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
