First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
