I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
