The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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