I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
