just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
