tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
