Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i came on her dog
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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