It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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