Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
