I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
