I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
