I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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