I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
