My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
