Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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