So drunk its hurt
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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