wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently you make a good broom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
