I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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