wrigley field is MILF paradise
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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