is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
