You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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