I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
