She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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