she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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