This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
