is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
