11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
