We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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