just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
