absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
