quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Small penises have feelings too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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