Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
