I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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