Its about making memories worth repressing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
